How to Change Yourself:
How to Change
Yourself:
A Bible Pattern for Self-Help and Self-Improvement
Becoming a Christian requires change. We must
remove old habits and develop new ones. This study considers Bible principles
to help us improve ourselves: faith, love, repentance, Bible study, prayer,
avoiding temptation, and patience. God's word is the best source of guidance
for self-help and motivation for self-improvement.
Introduction:
Have you ever had difficulty trying
to change a habit? Human beings are creatures of habit. We tend to continue
acting as we have acted in the past. Like a river flowing through a canyon, the
longer a habit continues, the more deeply it becomes ingrained, and the harder
it is to change. This is true of all habits, good or bad.
Ephesians 4:22-24 shows that major
changes must occur when we are converted to serve God. Old practices and attitudes
must be replaced by new ones. Christians must learn good habits like Bible
study, prayer, love, faith, patience, attending church meetings, giving,
teaching others, etc. We must also eliminate bad habits like foul language,
uncontrolled temper, gambling, drugs, smoking, drinking, gossip, lying,
pornography, sexual promiscuity, etc.
Knowing what changes to make is not
enough. We also need to know how to make them. Change does not come easily.
Since the Scriptures provide us to all good works (2 Timothy 3:16,17), they
give all the guidance we need. God's word is the best source of guidance for
self-help and motivation for self-improvement.
Let us study 12 specific, practical
steps the Bible gives to show us how to change and improve our selves to become
what God wants.
Step1: Change Your Purpose in Life.
Before people are willing to act,
they must be motivated. A sound sleeper is more likely to get up in the middle
of the night if the house is on fire than if he remembers he did not brush his
teeth! Christians have some of the strongest possible motives for changing.
Consider some:
Love and Dedication to God
Romans 12:1,2 - Christians are
transformed (changed) by renewing their minds (cf. Eph. 4:23). To live
differently, we must think differently. We must not seek to be like the world
but to use our bodies in God's service.
The Macedonians practiced generous
giving because they first gave themselves to the Lord (2 Corinthians 8:5).
Changing our conduct becomes much easier when we are totally dedicated to God's
service. (See also Ecc. 12:13; Matt. 6:33; 16:24.)
1 John 5:3; 4:19,9 - What motivates
us to obey God? Our love for Him. What motivates us to love Him? The fact that
He loved us. How do we know He loved us? Because He gave His Son to die to save
us.
Love is one of the strongest forces
in existence. It can move a woman to rescue her children from a burning
building or a man to lift an automobile that has crushed a loved one. If you
are having difficulty changing yourself, you need to learn to appreciate God's
blessings and mercy. (See also 1 John 2:15-17; Matt. 10:34-37; 22:37-40; John
14:15; 2 Cor. 5:14-17.)
Imitation of Christ
The desire to be like someone we
admire is another powerful motivation. Sports heroes inspire young people in
athletics. Washington and Lincoln are models for patriotic citizens. So godly
people like Abraham, Noah, Ruth, and Mary motivate us to serve God. But the
greatest example of all is that of Jesus.
Matthew 10:24,25 - A disciple seeks
to be like his master. Christians are disciples of Jesus (Acts 11:26). We
should follow His steps because He left us a sinless example (1 Peter 2:21,22).
As we face each decision in life, we
should ask, "What would Jesus do?" This will give us strong
motivation to change our lives. (See also Gal. 2:20; Matt. 16:24; Col. 3:10).
Desire for Eternal Life, Not Eternal Punishment
1 Corinthians 9:25 - Athletes
control their habits so they can win a temporary, earthly honor. Christians
have an even stronger motive. We seek the crown of eternal life (James 1:12;
Rev. 2:10). We should set our minds on our eternal reward, not on earthly
things (Col. 3:1-6; 2 Peter 1:10,11; 2 Thess. 1:8,9).
Lack of motivation is a major reason
people do not change to please God. They do not have sufficient desire to change.
Instead they want to please themselves or their friends and family. Often they
are too concerned with the things of this life. Until our motives are right,
little else in this study will help us. But when we are determined that serving
God is our most important purpose in life, then we will find the means to make
the necessary changes.
When we lack the motivation to
change, let us think about why we should love God, think about the importance
of being like Christ, and think about our eternal destiny.
Step2: Believe You Can Change with God's Help.
Proverbs 4:23 - Keep your heart with
all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life. The way you act is
determined by your attitudes and intentions. People and circumstances may
influence you, but you do not have to give in. You do what you decide to do
(cf. Matt. 15:18,19; 12:34-37).
1 Corinthians 10:13 - God will not
allow temptations that are beyond your ability to bear. He will always make a
way of escape. "God is faithful." He will always keep this promise.
It follows that you can break any bad habit and develop any good habit
according to God's will.
Philippians 4:13 - We can do all
things through Christ who strengthens us. This includes changing to please Him.
If we trust our own strength, we will fail. Satan can defeat us. If we use
Christ's strength we will succeed, because Satan can never defeat Him. Perhaps
we have failed in the past because we have trusted our own power instead of
using Christ's.
People sometimes convince
themselves, "I just can't change. It's too late. Besides, I'm only
human." They are not just belittling themselves; they are denying God's
word. They will fail simply because they will give up instead of persisting to
use God's power.
Psalm 37:5 - If you commit yourself
to the Lord and trust Him, He will accomplish His will for you. No matter how
strong a temptation you face, no matter how long you have practiced a sin, if
God says to change, you can change. (See also Eph. 6:10-18; 3:20,21; 2 Cor.
9:8; Josh. 1:5-9.)
Step 3: Study the Bible about Your Habit.
Joshua 1:8 - To succeed in God's
work, meditate on God's word. List the pertinent Bible passages about each
habit you need to change. List reasons why you should change. Meditate on these
verses daily, filling your mind with them. (Cf. Psalm 1:2; 119:11.)
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 - Frequently
remind yourself of these verses. Write them and place them where they will
remind you: on your bathroom mirror, on the refrigerator door, on your table at
mealtime, on the TV knob.
Matthew 4:1-11 - Jesus overcame
temptation by quoting Scripture. But this worked only because He knew the
Scripture. Memorize verses about your habit so that, when you are tempted, they
will come to mind and strengthen you. Quote them to yourself and to those who tempt
you. (See also Prov. 3:5,6; 2 Tim. 3:16,17; Eph. 6:17; Rom. 1:16; Heb. 4:12.)
Step4: Repent of Sin.
Acts 8:22 - Sin requires repentance.
Repentance is a change of mind - a determined commitment to cease sin and obey
God (see Matt. 21:28,29; Acts 17:30; 11:23). Before one can change his conduct,
he must change his mind.
Proverbs 28:13 - Do not cover up
your sin, deny it, excuse it, or blame someone else. Admit the error and be
truly sorry (2 Cor. 7:10). But sorrow is not enough. We have truly repented
only when we are so sorry that we determine to change our conduct.
Most other achievements in life
require about 10% ability and 90% just plain determination and hard work. In
spiritual matters, every accountable person has the ability to please God; so
changing to please God is 100% determined by our choice. God has provided
everything we need. The decision is ours.
We will never change until we make
up our minds to pursue the means God provides until we succeed. The decision to
do this is repentance, and no one will change to please God without it.
Step 5: Develop a Plan of Action.
Proverbs 14:22 - We must devise to
do good, not evil. God's example demonstrates the importance of planning. He
purposed man's redemption (Rom. 8:28), the church (Eph. 3:10,11), the temple
(Heb. 8:5), etc. (cf. Gen. 12:1-7). Likewise, God's servants need to have a
plan to succeed in His service (Luke 14:26-33; Dan. 1:8; Psalm 17:3; Acts
11:23; 2 Cor. 9:7).
In what other important endeavors
will we succeed without a plan? Consider the forethought needed to build a
house, run a business or a household, program a computer, etc. Worthwhile
activities, to be successful, need planning.
Likewise, to change your life, you
need a specific, practical checklist of steps you will take to change. Analyze
the circumstances or causes that lead you to fail to do right, then plan how to
avoid those causes. It may help to write your plan down and modify it as
needed. This plan will include some specific points we are studying plus other
points that fit your specific problem.
Many people fail to change to please
God because they never planned to succeed. They did not plan to fail, but they
failed to plan!
Step 6: Pray Regularly.
Prayer is essential in two ways.
A
child of God should pray for forgiveness.
If you are not yet a child of God,
you need to believe in Jesus, repent of sins, confess Christ, and be baptized
to be forgiven of sins (Mark 16:16; Rom. 10:9,10; Acts 2:38; 22:16). When you
have done those things, you become a child of God (Gal. 3:26,27; Rom. 6:3,4; 1
Peter 1:22,23). If you sin afterward, you need to pray for forgiveness (Acts
8:22; 1 John 1:8-10; Prov. 28:13; Matt. 6:12).
Then
pray for God's help.
Matthew 6:13 - Ask God to
"deliver us from evil" (cf. Matt. 26:41). Tell God exactly what your
problem is. Pray often and regularly (1 Thess. 5:17; Col. 4:2). Pray especially
at the moment when you face temptation (Matt. 26:36-46).
God has promised that, if you ask
His help, He will hear and answer (1 Peter 5:7; Phil. 4:6,7; Eph. 6:11,13,18).
Step 7: Seek Help from Other Christians.
James 5:16 - Christians should
confess their faults to one another so they can pray for one another. We should
bear one another's burdens (Gal. 6:2). If our sins have harmed specific
individuals, we should apologize to them (Matt. 5:23,24).
When we are fighting an especially
difficult habit, it may help to choose one or two special counselors to talk
with regularly. They can give us Bible passages and good advice about how to
change. They can encourage us. It may motivate us just to know that others are
aware of our problem. And they can surely pray for us.
Public church meetings are
especially designed to give encouragement (Heb. 10:24,25; 3:12,13; Eph.
4:15,16). We need to attend regularly for many reasons, but especially we need
encouragement as we try to become what God wants us to be.
Step 8: Diligently Practice What is Right.
1 Corinthians 15:58 - Be steadfast,
immovable, always abounding in the Lord's work. Abundant, steadfast work is needed.
We have discussed several steps to
prepare us to change, but none of them can substitute for hard work and
dedicated effort. All the good attitudes in the world will not get the job done
until we follow through with action. God does not promise change will be easy,
but He promises it is possible if we work diligently according to His word.
James 1:22-25 - Be doers of the
word, not just hearers. Habits are formed by repeated action. We learn to ride
a bicycle by forcing ourselves to practice, even when it feels unnatural and
uncomfortable. But repetition produces a habit that then feels natural and
enjoyable.
So we change to serve God only when
we compel ourselves to do what we know is right and repeat it until it becomes
"second nature." (See also Rom. 6:1-23; Matt. 7:21; Luke 6:46.)
Step 9: Substitue Good Habits for Bad Ones.
Ephesians 4:22-32 - Do not just put off
the old man. Put on the new man. Note the
examples: Speak truth instead of falsehood (v25), work and give to others
instead of stealing (v28), speak good instead of evil (v29), show kindness and
forgiveness instead of anger and bitterness (v31,32).
Matthew 12:43-45 - A demon left a
man but later found the man's life still empty. He moved back in bringing seven
other demons with him! Jesus applied this to Israel, but it is a general
principle.
"Nature hates a vacuum."
Remove the air from a bottle, and it will try to get back in. Fill the bottle
with something substantial, and the air stays out. So your life cannot stay a
spiritual void. It will fill with good or evil. Replace bad habits with good
and the bad is less likely to return.
For example, suppose you determine
to watch less TV, so you turn it off, but sit in front of it with nothing else
to do. Soon you will turn it on again. But if you become actively involved in
family activities, Bible study, etc., soon you will replace it with other
habits.
For every bad habit you "put
off," find some useful activity to "put on" in its place.
Step 10: Avoid Temptation.
Matthew 6:13 - We should pray,
"lead us not into temptation." If we pray this, surely we obligate
ourselves to avoid people, places, and situations that tempt us (cf. Rom.
13:14).
1 Corinthians 15:33 - Evil company
corrupts good habits. Note: "Do not be deceived." Many people think
they can return to bad company without returning to bad habits. They are
deceived!
Many habits - such as drinking,
smoking, drug abuse, gambling, and sexual promiscuity - are begun and continued
because of "peer pressure." Breaking such habits by themselves is
hard enough, but it is far more difficult when "friends" urge us to
continue them (1 Peter 4:3,4; Prov. 13:20; Ex. 23:2).
Psalm 26:5 - We should hate the
congregation of evildoers. Too often people say, "I won't drink (or dance
or gamble, etc.). I'll just go to the tavern (or dance hall or casino) to be
with my friends." When people have gathered together for the purpose of
practicing sin, Christians belong somewhere else! (Cf. 2 Cor. 6:14-18; Eph.
5:11.)
You cannot change a bad habit while
continuing to run with the "crowd" that caused the habit. Changing
the habit will require changing your friends because the "friends"
are part of the habit!
Step 11: Face One Day at a Time.
Matthew 6:33,34 - Do not worry about
tomorrow. Today's temptations will be enough to handle today. Handle tomorrow's
temptations tomorrow - if tomorrow comes.
Often people quit trying to serve
God because they are overwhelmed by the sacrifices required to live the rest of
their lives for God. But ask yourself this: "Can I practice what is right
today - just today?" Of course you can. So when you get up each morning,
promise yourself and God, "I will live today for God." Don't worry
about handling tomorrow. If it comes, you can handle it the same way you will
handle today.
Two men were climbing a steep path
up a tall mountain. One looked to the top and asked, "How will we ever
make it?" The other replied, "One step at a time." And that is
the only way for you to change yourself.
Step 12: Be Patient.
Romans 2:7 - We receive eternal life
if we continue patiently in well doing. We must be steadfast, immovable, always
abounding in the Lord's work (1 Cor. 15:58).
Galatians 6:9 - Let us not grow
weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
Your habits did not develop overnight and will not likely disappear overnight.
It will take time. If you fall, repent, and ask God's forgiveness. But get up
and go on. Do not give up. (1 John 1:8-2:2)
2 Peter 3:18 - Becoming a mature
Christian is a process of growth. You are born again as a baby and gradually
grow up in Christ. You may look at mature Christians and think, "Why can't
I be like them?" But they probably took years to mature. Do not be
impatient with yourself.
As a child grows, you may notice
small changes from day to day. But look at pictures from years ago and you will
see amazing differences. So you may not see much change in your service to God
today compared to yesterday. But if you diligently apply the steps taught in
God's word, after a period of 5, 10, or 20 years you will see significant
changes compared to where you began.
Conclusion
By using the means God provides, you
can change to be what He wants. He gives motivation, guidance, and
encouragement. All that is left is for you to determine to follow His will and
then diligently act on that decision. He provides the tools. You must use them.
What choice will you make?
Note:
If you wish to study further about topics mentioned in this lesson, please note
the links listed below.
(C) Copyright 1980, 1995, 1998, David E. Pratte
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Local churches and individuals may, within limits, distribute this Bible study guide for free, but not for sale. Web sites may link to this page but not reproduce it. For details click here for our copyright guidelines.
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Topics for further Bible study
The Importance of Bible Knowledge
You Can Serve God Successfully
How to Study the Bible
The Meaning & Purpose of Life
Why We Need Salvation from sin
How Can You Be Sure of Forgiveness?
Anger, Controlling Your Temper
Prayer
Steps to Maturity
God Helps with Your Troubles
You Can Serve God Successfully
How to Study the Bible
The Meaning & Purpose of Life
Why We Need Salvation from sin
How Can You Be Sure of Forgiveness?
Anger, Controlling Your Temper
Prayer
Steps to Maturity
God Helps with Your Troubles
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